


from day one I had a bad start

by kynikoi



Category: Daredevil (TV)
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Child Abuse, Child Neglect
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-21
Updated: 2020-06-21
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:55:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 641
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24833449
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kynikoi/pseuds/kynikoi
Summary: Once is a coincidence. Twice could also be a coincidence, he tries to rationalize. Three times means there’s probably a pattern. After the fourth and fifth and sixth person leaves Matt, he wonders if there might be a problem.Or: Matt reflects on why he has so many abandonment, trust, and self-worth issues. Turns out they can be traced back to birth.
Relationships: Jonathan "Jack" Murdock & Matt Murdock, Matt Murdock & Stick
Comments: 1
Kudos: 19





	1. Mom

When Matty is born, he begins life as most humans with working vocal cords do: crying. He cried when he was hungry, he cried when he was thirsty, he cried when he was tired, and he cried when he felt it was a good time to cry, like during mass with his abuela.

Sometimes when he cried he would get mushy food or milk from a bottle or cuddles and a nap, but most of the time he would cry and cry and cry and no one would answer. He saw the lady with soft hands in his room and cried for her help, but even when he wailed she didn’t hear him. So he stopped.

On one of the few days the lady with soft hands helped him, she gave him a bath. Matty liked being clean, and he liked her soft hands, so he was happy. When her hands went away, though, Matty got scared. He couldn’t hold himself up, and the water was getting in his mouth and his nose, and his eyes, and he couldn’t breathe-

A loud, deep voice and rough hands pulled him out of the water and turned him over so he could cough the water in his tiny lungs. The voice wouldn’t stop yelling, and Matty started to cry, but rough hands wrapped him in a blanket and held him close to a warm body. The angry words got quieter, and one of the rough hands pulled the lady with soft hands to the couch. 

Matty heard a phone hanging up, more hushed voices in the hallway, and a door closing. But the rough hands picked him back up and gave him cuddles, so he was happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maggie has postpartum depression and can’t take care of Matt, which eventually leads to him almost drowning in a tub and Maggie leaving with Father Lantom to become a nun. One parental unit down, one to go!
> 
> PS - this is part of a teenager au of daredevil I’m working on right now, so some of the details might be different from canon


	2. Dad

When Matty is a year old, he says his first word: “dadda”. He doesn’t cry as much as he used to, but Dad always makes sure there’s someone to hear him when he does. He goes to a smelly place called Fogwell’s with Dad every day and everyone there tells Dad they think he’s very cute. Dad takes careful care of him, and Matty trusts that he always will.

When Matty is 5 years old, a girl in his class called Julie asks him where his mom is when their parents come to pick him up, and Matty says he doesn’t know. He’s determined to find out, though, so he asks Dad. Dad just looks at him real sad and says that she’s dead. Matt isn’t convinced, but he hugs Dad when he starts to cry anyway.

Matty reports back to Julie, who says she asked her mom, who says Matts mom didn’t want him. Matt isn’t convinced, but he says thank you when she starts to stare at him full of pity anyway.

He doesn’t need a mom, 5-year-old Matt tells himself as he watches one kiss her son goodbye in front of the school. He has his dad, and they do just fine by themselves.

When Matt is 8 years old, he pushes a man out of the way of a truck and all he can say is “I can’t see” because he can’t anymore. Everything is too loud and too rough and too nauseating, but Dad is there and he lets him feel his face to focus. He gets braille books and a cane and he tells the trauma therapist they can’t afford that he’s fine, really, what’s the big deal?

He hears Dad agreeing to throw a fight, and he knows they need the money, but Dad could beat that sucker Creel, easy. He repeats “Murdocks always get back up”, and the next thing he knows the cheers of the crowd are turning into his screams as he feels his dads brains scattered across his unrecognizable face. All he can say is “Dad!” because the only family he knows is gone forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oof. Honestly, how is Matt’s backstory so sad? Like, did the comic writers just try to find the most depressing things possible and combine them into one character? Oh, how about his mom leaves him when he’s a baby, so he grows up in poverty in a single parent household? No wait, let’s just straight up murder his fucking dad and force him to live in a Catholic orphanage. Child soldier training? That sounds like a fantastic idea!


End file.
